Tiny Voices

In truth I’m overwhelmed by the sweet messages, texts, emails, phone calls and comments. I have joked that I’m not currently the best version of myself but appreciate (more then you know) the amazing, supportive friends I have both near and far.

If I’m honest the hardest part of this particular transition are these tiny little voices … the ones that say:

“If only you did”
“If only you were ”
“If only your had … “ etc etc etc

The voices that compare you to another girl or that tell you you’ve wasted time. Those little voices think they have permanent residency in my head (which they don’t) and have been the most exhausting, gut wrenching part of “rehabbing THIS heart”. What I’m learning however … those voices, are only as powerful as what you give them credit for. I’m learning to take those thoughts captive (more so then ever) and am in the process of identifying new voices. Your words helped. I’m living breathing proof that the sustainability of your thoughts and prayers have created new levels of awareness and though I’m not sure I’ve reached the end of this chapter, am confident I’m closer than ever. Today I choose the voice of reason and the voice that leans not on my own understanding. It’s a moment to moment decision. One I know many of us have gotten the pleasure of wrestling with before.

I also know and have been told by people far wiser then I … A grateful heart prepares the way. Therefore in an effort to “prepare a new way” I’m eternally grateful for every single person who reads this and has allowed me to be myself (though not always proud of the behaviors) while I recalculate and regroup. I’m grateful for healing that come from tears and I’m grateful for my friends and family. I’m grateful for the laughter that Mila and Mathias bring daily and the chats my sister never gets tired of listening too … or my mom or my aunts or my best friends. I’m grateful for the divine appointments I’ve had and the connections that have resurfaced after years of being dormant. I’m also really really really grateful for your prayers. I believe in the power of prayer and know they have kept me afloat. I’m also grateful The Lord never gets tired of me asking Why or Are we there yet! I’m grateful my temper tantrums have not created a rift and appreciate the deep knowingness that if I knew what was coming I wouldn’t worry about where I was today … even in the midst of twists and turns.