For weeks now I had agonized, stressed and was nervous about how I was gonna feel waking up on what would have been my wedding day. Would I be happy or sad or pissed or scared or relieved or grateful? I had so much anxiety and had put so much pressure on myself to be in a specific space emotionally that I hardly slept three nights prior. The build up to this ONE DAY would probably make for good TV while recognizing and embracing this process, for better or worse has come in its own way. I didn’t know who I wanted to spend the day with or if I wanted to be accessible or be vulnerable or just fly the coop. I didn’t know if spending the day with Jesus might be better than with family and friends nor could I decide what “things” I wanted to do in an effort to keep busy. I was literally driving MYSELF crazy!!!
For whatever reason … the stress built and built and though I did feel a version of some of those things most notable was that yesterday was actually “just another day.” It wasn’t my wedding day … it wasn’t the day I had dreamed of and waited for my whole life nor was it a reminder of all that was lost or of all the pain. It was actually just a “normal” day orchestrated by some of my favorite things. I was greeted with coffee, sun, sand and friends. I shopped and soaked and prayed and laughed and embraced “life” happening all around me. I passed by bums on the street, kids playing on the beach, people running on the trail and union workers fixing an oil leak. It was innate and almost unconscious. It was peaceful. I wasn’t in my head all day about what this day was going to be like two months ago but was genuinely grateful for what it was supposed to be now. I was grateful for what I’ve been shown in the last few weeks and for what I’ve experienced … the good, the bad and the ugliest of ugly.
I remember months ago someone asked me … What do you envision your wedding day being. And I answered in the most authentic way I knew how at the moment. I want to feel confident and beautiful and loved and be in an amazing space surrounded by people I “do” life with. I dreamed of laughing so hard I was crying and dancing like it was my full time job. The irony … Monday night was ALL of those things. I can confidently say it was the silver lining to a very interesting season and a gift from Jesus himself. I was surrounded by the best people I know. I felt alive and present and relaxed and excited and attentive and in a weird way kinda sexy. Why… I’m not sure but I kind of did so thought I’d throw it in! 🙂 I was in the most beautiful place … I ate the most ridiculous food and laughed so hard that at one point I literally stopped breathing. It wasn’t forced … it was unassuming. I didn’t TRY making it happen … it just did. We proceeded to dance like we were on stage with JT and JLo and celebrated life while recognizing the chapter that ended was preparation for all that’s to be written next. So in a weird way … it was in fact the very day I had envisioned.
All of this to say …
What He brings you to … He’ll bring you through.
All of this to say …
There is power in prayer and in community.
All of this to say …
His grace IS sufficient.
All of this to say …
He sees and knows the desires of our hearts and will turn every situation around for His good.
Feeling blessed. Feeling loved. Feeling grateful.
oneblessedgirl555 